I AM IGNORANT AND I KNOW IT !

assalamualaikum !

tonight, 

i would like to make a confession regarding my bad behavior.

i admit that i'm an egomaniac. i'm heartless and ignorant.

and the term that my mom always use is :

 SOMBONG DAN BONGKAK !

well, to be honest, yeah, i admit that.

BUT !

before you jump into a conclusion,

before you start your judging session,

i would really love to clarify something.

i have my own reason for having such behaviors. 

i acted heartless because i know that i'm fragile inside. 

that's the only way to protect myself from being hurt. 

lemme tell you what might happen if i listen to others. 

this scenario happened this morning when my third sem result reached home.

my result isn't good like my sister's.

everyone knows that.

and when my mom got the transcript,

she put it on the whiteboard in the living room.

(the wall of fame and shame)

and she started to compare my result and my sister's.

if i acted all sensitive and emotional, 

i will definitely feel sad and eventually cry. 

i might even think of committing suicide 

since my mother and grandma really love to compare. 

they love brilliant people in the family 

because they can brag about 'em.

since i can't tolerate their bad behavior,

i created my own bad behavior in order to save myself from their's. 

and apparently,

acting all ignorant and heartless 

saved me from being in a total depression 

and suicide attempts. 

it's not that i don't care about my bad exam results. 

it's not that i never care to absorb what they've been saying.

it's not that i don't give a shit.

i do. i care.

but i know , 

if i let them judge,

if i let them compare, 

i'll definitely lose. 

and i don't think that i can stand again 

after i let them knock me down. 

so, what i wanna say here is

DON'T SIMPLY JUDGE OTHERS.

GET IN THEIR SHOES AND WALK IN IT.

AND DO NOT COMPARE. 

IT HURTS. 

IT REALLY DOES.

guess i'm a woman with feelings after all. 

a woman in pain and agony. 

just bear this in mind :

i might look heartless,

but trust me,

i'm a mere human being.

i just have to act heartless to survive. 

salam'alaikum.

A RANDOM FAMILY HALAQAH

salam 'alaik. 

just now, while waiting for isya', 

my mom, my sister, and I myself,

had a small halaqah in my parent's room.

(well, it wasnt really a halaqah which comprised of islamic talks and stories, but more like a pillow-talk-session kind of halaqah. you know, a mom and her daughters kinda talk)

anyway , back to the story ;

while having some chit chat with my mom,

(my head was on my mom's lap)

my sister joined us and said "jom berusrah!"

and she continued by opening the halaqah with al-fatihah.

my sister started the story with something like this :

"i have a story to tell both of you.

pasal seorang sahabat yang skip perang pada zaman Rasulullah"

then my mother interrupted :

"ih cerita la cepat , mak tak sabaq dah nk dengaq ni.

tok sah ada introduction ke apa"

my sister started to feel irritated for being interrupted.

but for the sake of our mother, she started again :

"sahabat ni namanya .... ape eh i cant remember, jap.."

and she started thinking without realizing that my mother and I were waiting,

poker faced.

(just start the story already ! 

we wont remember the names in the story anyway.

bagi aku camtu la.

the content is what matters. not the characters)

my mother started talking about another topic

(something completely unrelated)

so my sister gave up.

she turned around, opened her physic notes and her radio.

sulked.

my mother laughed and persuaded her to continue the story telling. 

she gave in and started the story.

again.

"sorang sahabat ni skip perang sebab nak enjoy dunya sekejap"

and my mother said :

"I KNOW THE STORY ! PASAL SEORANG SAHABAT YANG SKIP PERANG TU KAN! MAK TAU ! cite dia camni, sahabat tu.. camna entah , mak tak ingat la cite tu"

LOL!

seriously mother, da hell are you trying to do ? 

my sister totally gave up.

she almost cried for being interrupted 

and maybe for not being taken seriously.

so she tuned on the ikim.fm on the radio and started reading her physics notes again.

my mother and i laughed hysterically.

somehow, i don't really know why my mother did that. 

then my sister said : 

"sampai hati mak. annah sedih sangat mak buat macam tu."

(she is pretty sensitive all the time).

and she continued sulking. 

right after that,

the Dj in the radio recited some verses from the Holy Quran 

(idk which verse) 

together with the translation.

it was about mother.

about what happen if we even say "ah" to our mother.

lol! (tetau je dj ni!)

it hit right in her face that she started to weep and say 

"why must he recites this verses now!" 

and she quickly apologized to my mom.

wow. sorry for the long story. 

anyway , the ending was :

 my mother told us a story instead.

not really a story.

but more like a lesson that she learnt when she was in her tasawuf classes long ago.

about the formation of Muhammad and all that.

i'm not gonna tell it here because i'm not good in telling something that deep.

not enough knowledge i should say.

actually, i forgot my purpose of writing this post. 

but i cant forget this one post about 

"DETIK-DETIK TERAKHIR SITI HAJAR BINTI AHMAD SABIR"

which i read on Facebook this evening. 

one of her sentences before she died was :

"Allah marah sebab tak dakwah sungguh-sungguh.

Tak mahu cari jalan lain bila dakwah terhalang"

okay now i remember the purpose of this post.

my sister sulked and stopped telling her story when my mother interrupted.

she even broke our halaqah and do something else.

takkan baru kena interrupt dah give up , ye dok ? 

dan aku percaya bahawa banyak lagi real obstacles yang dihadapi oleh pendakwah-pendakwah diluar sana.

maka ; terimalah kata-kata Hajar tu ye.

dont give up.

dakwah la manusia macam aku ni haa. 

jangan give up nak mendakwah kami-kami ni.

on the other hand,

the statement hit me in my face.

like seriously , 

ape je aku dah buat sebagai dakwah aku ?

 nothing.

bukan tak cari jalan bila dakwah terhalang.

tp memang tak berdakwah langsung.

acano ni ?
takkan nak tunggu orang lain dakwah aku je ?

at least my sister did the da'wah part.

even though she stopped when my mom interrupted.

hurm..

i'm not gonna summarize for you this time. 

so there'll be no conclusion.

sebab aku sendiri hanging dengan monologue aku.

acano ni ?

nak jawab apa ni kat Tuhan ?

ah sudah....

p/s : sorry for the rojakness.

uoh anyway,
when you want to tell a story,
better tell it straight forward.
because it's hard to entertain people with long and unimportant introductions.
make your da'wah more attractive and entertaining
 :D 
just saying !
salam.

A LONG DISTANCE FRIENDSHIP

assalamualaikum :)

well , actually i have only an hour to write this post.

due to the time constraint i'm having now,

i'll skip the introduction part. 

because i'm pretty sure that it will consume 3/4 of the precious hour. 

A LONG DISTANCE FRIENDSHIP.

i decided to write about this since a junior of mine keeps on updating his FB status talking about friendship and stuff. 

so i would like to dedicate this to THAT particular person and some other best buddies that used to wipe my tears and lend me their warm shoulders.

when i was in high school,

the term 'friendship' taught me a lot.

a series of chapters in every single semester,

i learnt it the hard way. 

the ups and downs,

the difficulties i kept on having,

my best buddies never fail in cheering me up.

(and help me solve the problems off course)

the bonds became stronger and stronger,

until when the time came.

THE FAREWELL PARTY

we vowed to each other that we'll be siblings forever.

but the distance kept on bothering me.

it was and still is hard to keep in touch.

everybody seems busy with their own studies.

i myself have things to take care of.

the shoulders that were always there when we were in need, disappeared.

like almost totally.

misunderstandings engulfed easily.

ANOTHER CHAPTER OF FRIENDSHIP i can say.

i realized one thing. or maybe two.

distance is the best tool to determine the strength of the bonds created between us.

HOWEVER

the methods to determine the strength will always be different.

and i found MY METHOD is way different from theirs.

UNDERSTANDING will neutralize the difference, i believe.

no text message doesn't mean that i forget them

to me,

being in a long distance friendships is the coolest way to keep the bonds strong.

1. I will start to miss them so badly.

(and it feels great to miss someone precious)

2. no more warm shoulders to lean on.

(it makes me stronger and helps me stand on my own feet. and it makes me happy when i think of the crying shoulders that are waiting for me to lean on.)

3. i'll always turn to my best buddies when it comes to important events.

(because special stories are only for special people, right?)

 4. etc.

(sorry,i'm running out of time!)

so,

i would like to say THANK YOU for being my best friends to those people who were and still are always there for me.

you know who you are.

and to my always-mushy?-BEE-buddy,

LET'S KEEP THE BOND STRONG !

p/s: sorry for not mentioning names.

i guess you know where you stand.

57 seconds left. 

AWESOME! :D

okay back to my MPW notes now. bye :)

"MOTHER, SHOW ME HOW."

whoa! spiderwebs are everywhere ! 

salam'alaik.

long time no write! i guess I've even lost my typing skill. 

but whatever. 

now let me begin the story. 

(i think i forgot how to start an essay.introduction will always be my flaw.deal with it.)

well, this evening, i came across this one scenario. 

i was in the car in front of my uncle's house .

and my dad was leaning against the car door,

watching some kids flying a kite.

suddenly, the kite went round and round and dropped to the ground. the kids were upset.

and my father was dumbfounded.

and the dialogue goes;

dad : what happened?

kid : the string is too short. we tied it to a blade of grass and the string was detached from it.

dad laughed hysterically.

ikat tali layang layang kat rumput? nice one, kids.

done with the kite,

the kids ran up a tree and continue playing. 

my dad approached em and asked some friendly questions. 

i watched silently from afar. 

after having several lines of conversation with the kids

(and i saw some laughter too), 

my dad came to me and said ;

"i interviewed one of the kids. and this is what i get. 

the kid get the last number in his class which is the last ranked class in the school. 

and his parents go to work from 8 am to 8 pm on every single day".

my dad almost weep i can see.

sympathetic. 

but i simply replied : "adopt them". 

with a broad smile on my face.

as if it is that easy.

my dad continue watching.

and the gears in my head started moving.

...

well, i heard this statement quite frequently.

"what's the purpose of struggling in studies if we know that at the end of the day, we will end up in the kitchen making meals for the family?"

and to be honest,

i was kinda influenced by the statement though.

when i feel tired of studying,

tired of struggling in understanding the lectures,

tired of having the pressure when the exams are around the corner,
i will find the statement crawling before me in my head.

i will find myself agreeing to a notion like this :

Islam taught us to be loyal to the family and serve the husband every single second in life. and it supports the statement that women will eventually end up doing all the house chores when they get married.

what an excuse.

getting back to the scenario i was having this evening,

i came to realize that :

1. getting a good education is something that requires you to be lucky.

2. and parents are responsible in deciding their children's luck. 

3. not to forget, the statement in red should be rephrased.

after having a round of debate going on in my head,

i finally drew these conclusions ;

it will be fruitless if i blame the parents who didn't perform well in their academics. so i decided to put the responsibilities on my generation instead. 

so here it goes.

dear friends,

here's an advice for you
(for myself as well).

GET A GOOD EDUCATION AND REACH AS HIGH AS YOU CAN.

because we need more intelligent people in the future in order to educate and change the fate of our next generations.

make sure that we don't have the chance to blame the poverty that we might be having in the future.

because we never know how HE arranges our fortunes later,

but we can be certain on giving a good education to our children with the hardly-earned knowledge that we have now. 

and for the ladies out there, 

stop thinking that your education will just be a waste when you get married.

yes you might end up in the kitchen with the frying pan in your right hand and your 2 year old son in the left arm, but you can decide whether to pass your intelligence and knowledge to your children or just throw it into the garbage bin outside your house. 

be smart.

and be an awesome mother.

:D

IHDINASSIROTALMUSTAQIM

Salam’alaik

Wahh ! dah lama tak menaip dan membebel dalam blog ni !

Sorry for not updating this blog for quite a long time. 

I’ve been busy and juggling around with so many things. 

Studies, clubs, etc.

Now I have one important thing to share. 

Some may have known while some may have not.

IHDINASSIROTALMUSTAQIM

KEEP US ON THE RIGHT PATH.

(Al-Fatihah,5)

That sentence that we keep on revising in our prayers,

 can be defined or related to many different things in life.

Or the hereafter.

Let’s look back into our prophets’ history written in the holy Quran.

“and when your Lord said to the angels, I am going to place in the Earth a khalif, they said : what ! wilt Thou place in it such as shall make mischief in it and shed blood, and we celebrate Thy praise and extol Thy holiness? He said : Surely I know what you don’t know.”

(Al-Baqarah,30)

So from this verse, 

or u can find some other verses which are saying the same thing, we acknowledged that our Father, Adam pbuh was created solely and purposely to be a caliph on this Earth. But why did Allah put him in the Heaven instead of letting him roaming around on the Earth ? didn't He created Adam to live on the Earth? 

U must be wondering hard now. 

Well, if u don’t, I did, once.

So the next verse showed how Adam and Eve ended up living on the Earth.

“and We said : O Adam ! dwell you and your wife in the garden and eat from it a plenteous (food)  you wish and do not approach this tree, for then you will be of the unjust.”

(Albaqarah , 35)

“but the Shaitan made them both fall from it, and caused them to depart from that (state) in which they were ; and We said : Get forth , some of you being the enemies to others, and there is for you in the Earth an abode and a provision for a time.”

(Albaqarah, 36)

some of us might have said : 

"if Adam didn't eat the fruit from that tree, all of us might be enjoying our life in the Heaven."

some of us put the blame on Adam and Eve.

we forgot that HE is the one who let Adam and Eve fall from the Heaven. 

the Shaitan was only helping(kinda). 

to let Adam and Eve serve their purpose of living on the Earth. 

from the verses above, we can see that Allah had planned everything for us. 

the name given is 'fate'. 

He created Adam (to be a caliph on the Earth), 

but he put Adam in His heaven. 

so to fulfill His intention of creating Adam, He allowed that incident to happen and eventually let Adam live on the Earth. 

to serve his living purpose. 

that is how fate works.

He planned. 

and He'll allow anything best to happen in order to get his plan done. 

same goes to us.

He planned , we planned too.

but He will always find ways to make his planning works. 

and that is when our prayer effects his planning. 

we ask for the best, He will give what's best for us. 

and to reach our destination, 

we need that RIGHT PATH mentioned above.

siratalmustaqim.

Adam's path wasn't straight.

but he managed to get to his destination. 

with prayers.

and regression.

that's the importance of the sentence we recite everyday.

ihdinassiratalmustaqim.

it's a prayer.

we asked to be kept on the straight path.

to avoid bends and cracks which Adam's had to go through long ago  in order to carry his responsibility as a caliph. 

to avoid from falling.

from going astray. 

so that we can go straight to our destination. 

to the end.

to Jannah , insyaAllah.

(without having to go trough sinful obstacles)

so never despair my dear friends. 

He knows what He's doing.

WIN HIS GAME BY PLAYING FAIR.

BE LAWFUL AND BE OBEDIENT.

FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS. 

BE STRONG NO MATTER HOW HARD THE GAME TURN OUT TO BE.

KEEP ON ASKING FOR A STRAIGHT PATH. 

AWAY FROM OBSTACLES.

STRIVE UNTIL YOU WIN HIS GAME. 

THE GAME CALLED LIFE

KEMENANGAN YANG AGUNG

wallahualam

Where is the scoreboard ?

salam'alaik :)

The hardest battle is when you are against yourself.

Indeed.

And reality bites.

The devilish one will win.

Most of the time.

How could this happen i wonder.

And the scoreboard !

Where the heaven is the scoreboard ?!

Im thinking , the score board might help us in realising how many times have we got beaten.

How many times we fail and lose in the battle. 

In fighting ourselves.

In fighting our nafs.

I myself lose in the battle.

So i decided that i must win this time.

So , thats all for today. 

wallahualam

p/s: i'm not saying that blogging or blogswandering (am i using it right?) is wrong. 

priority is what matters. 

until then...

I made it! 
Okey bye for real.

posted from Bloggeroid

DEATH AWAITS ON THE ELEVENTH HOUR

salam'alaik 

wahh ! long time no type.

i was distracted by this one semi?-malay novel ,

CONTENGAN JALANAN by HLOVATE.

and what were written were all damn true.

to those who haven't read the masterpiece,

you are officially recommended to :)

based on the novel , 

there are so many points worth pondering.

but today, now, at this very moment ,

what i want to highlight here , in this post, 

is the quote that is being repeated in the i-Fend-point-of-view-section over and over.

THE MAN WHO DECIDED TO CHANGE ON THE 12TH HOUR DIES ON THE 11TH.

reading HLOVATE made me believe that surrounding is one of the important factor or should i say , booster,

in helping ourselves changing for the better. 

in seeking the real purpose of life.

in finding His blessing.

in finding Jannah. 

the writer stressed on the fact that;

when we are in a non-muslim country,

when we are in a non-muslim community,

we will appreciate Islam better. 

why ?

because most of the people in my own country 

practice Islam not as a religion, but as a culture. 

they don't practice it because they understand it,

but they practice it because that's what commoners do.

so based on the novel, 

both Fend and K-Square gained their faith,

their truly-defined life,

from Australia and Indonesia respectively. 

"bermusafirlah.

bumi Allah itu luas.

Ilmu-Nya juga luas.

belajarlah dengan bermusafir.

ramai yang terlupa,

alam itu sendiri guru yang hebat dalam mengajarkan ilmu-Nya"

then i decided ;

when i get to America,

i must find and feel what were found and felt by Fend and K-Square.

i must find the exact definition of life.

i must change before the 11th hour.

but,

why later? and why America?

why not now, in Malaysia ?

because the surrounding , the environment in Malaysia is not conducive enough ?

because the community here in Malaysia is not faithful enough ?

because the feeling of being a Muslim in Malaysia is not deep enough ?

teeetttt ! wrong answer , zara !

i realised ; 

i don't have to wait until i get to America to define LIFE. 

we all recite the definition of LIFE five times a day, minimally, in our prayers.

"all our salutations are for Allah, and prayers, and good deeds."

we live for him. we die for him.
just for Him.

don't wait for the community around us to change.

don't wait for the surrounding to change.

DON'T WAIT !

plus, 

THE MAN WHO DECIDED TO CHANGE ON THE 12TH HOUR DIES ON THE 11TH.

i wonder,

do i want to be the unlucky one who change on the 12th hour ?

will i even stay alive on the 10th , or 9th, or even 8th hour ?

points worth pondering,

worthless if just to be think and do nothing.

may HE gives me the strength to change way before the 11th hour.

WAY BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE

amin